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Personal time?

sheryl — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 05:33:40 +0000

I wanted to spend time with him this holiday, but hey guess what? I finally realized that I don’t want to spend time with him around other people. That’s spending time with people, not him.

Fuck all of this.

Sigh

sheryl — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 05:04:31 +0000

Once upon a time, I used to know what I want.

Well, now I know what I want again – I want my old life back.

Losing grasp on things

sheryl — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 03:44:50 +0000

“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.”

How do I let them go?

So why do we keep up this charade?

sheryl — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 23:22:20 +0000

This paranoia, this insecurity, this… unhappiness. What am I supposed to do? I can’t tell myself to be happy when I am clearly not happy. Why can’t I just let go?

I have every reason in the world to be happy. I know that. It’s not that I don’t know. But each day that passes my happiness level goes down a step. I don’t even remember when was the last time that I was legitimately happy. I don’t even know what happiness means anymore.

This relationship is stressing me out to a point that I’m almost ready to give up. But I know deep down that if I give it up, I’m also giving up the best person to ever appear in my life. But I can’t go on living a life in which I’m so miserable. I can’t go on living a life in which even reassurances no longer work. I need a relationship that fulfills what I want, and need, not just one sided. I’ve been trying to make him happy; happy to the point that even if it makes me miserable I don’t give a crap anymore. But it seems that everything he’s been doing makes me miserable. Nothing he does seems to make me happy anymore.

Is this where I should draw the line? I had my happy times, and good memories. Should I just call it quits?

It has been incredibly tempting, but I also know that it’s completely my problem that I am unable to let go. But I’m not the kind of person who just “lets go”. I can’t live and let live. Many, many things make me unhappy, and I too have the bad habit of making myself unhappy. But the thing is I can’t see the positive side of things anymore. Nothing is positive. Everything just makes me incredibly depressed, and the more things happen, or go on, the worse things become. Everything is linked, everything is related. Everything he does, or does not do, only makes me remember, makes me more sad, makes me more unhappy.

There are so many things I wish I could erase, and forget. There are so many times I wish I can turn time back to.

:’(

sheryl — Wed, 04 May 2011 23:01:09 +0000

Omg why can’t people just leave me alone and let me deal with things?????!!!!

I hate getting ultimatums. I hate being told that it’s a “if” or “else” clause.

Then again, I am so lost at this stage in my life that I no longer have any idea what to do.

In which death is imminent

sheryl — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 08:33:23 +0000

I have been sick for the last 10 days and still counting! It does seem that this monsterous bug has no intention of leaving me alone, and my poor overworked body does not have the means to fight it. :(

Sleeping at night has become a chore, and I do all I can to not sleep because the coughing fits I get, and the pain in my throat in the mornings are simply just not worth it. :’( I am this close to stabbing out my throat, because the temporary pain is probably more tolerable than the never-ending pain and discomfort I am in. :’(

In other news, I have my yukata, and it made me somewhat happy!

In which Spring is almost here.

sheryl — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:45:49 +0000

Spring semester starts on Monday, aka Tomorrow, and I am absolutely not prepared to having to return to a crazy schedule. Considering the fact that by credits I am technically a “sophomore”, I’m going to try and appeal to do 5 credits. I spent a few days during spring recess trying to figure out if I would have enough credits left to graduate as a Politics major, and it’s going to be a tight squeeze. :/

Technically, it wouldn’t be if I had chosen not to continue Japanese, but I have so many strange reasons as to why I’m being blatantly stubborn about that, which I choose not to say here. I am however, certain that 5 courses instead of 4 will be a lot of more beneficial to my brain.

The other issue is that of studying abroad. I’m definitely already studying abroad, but I don’t just want to be stuck in the USA. But credits! Applicable courses! Such a headache. :(

Anyhows, it is the last day of recess, I will use it to read a couple of books I’ve been meaning to read, but just have not. Sigh.

Hello non-existent blogging life.

sheryl — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 14:38:38 +0000

Since I had this pretty domain sitting around and rotting, and the best part is that it’s ridonkulously PERSONAL and thus cannot be used for anything else much, I though – Blogging seemed to be a pretty good idea… Why not?

We’ll see how long this motivation lasts. :D

Hello world!

sheryl — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 20:51:12 +0000

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!